19 October 2007

i bet she noes abt it alr. but she's nonchalant abt it. i oso how it started. how i started to like her. i oso dunno the reason behind how ball-less i had been for the past 2 yrs. how i cld have bottled up all that emotions within myself and not let it out. i cld have done sthg abt it. but she had a bf and trying to go in between them was wrong. she broke up n i know i cld have done sthg. offer her more concern, be by her side to console her. but i did nth of tt sort. wad did it do then? nth. so much tt she doesn't know abt it until recently. wad a loser i'm.

i always try to joke wif her but i realised they were all not farni. i always thot i was a humourous person until i reflected 2dae. NO I'M NOT! wad r my jokes when i talk to guys? make fun of ppl,sae and do stupid things,talk dirty. n i believe tt i shldnt talk dirty to girls. i dunno abt tt though. i was told tt she dun like ppl to do stupid stuff. so i shldnt. and i dun realli wan to kip on making of her or ppl cuz wad big fuck am i to have the bloody right to kip making fun of ppl? so tt makes mi a boring guy? n girls dun like boring guys. wtf.

ok.someone told mi girls like romantic guys. haiz.mebe shld start learning french.another fren told mi girls like musically inclined guys.another fren told mi girls like fun guys.so which is it tt she likes? haha.

i'm super vexed super super super vexed. she's on my mind the whole tym nowadays. i miss her smile. even juz her presence. i always wanna see her and always try to grab opportunities to do so. but i always regret it. cuz when she's not with me,i'll start to tink abt her even more. ahhhhhhhhh. hormones. 2 yrs and its still her.

11 days to A levels and some good fren of mine had to tell mi i have a competitor and i'm losing. so yea wad do u wan mi to do abt it hurh? take action now? tell her how much i like her for 2 yrs? in the first place, have i done enuf to touch her heart? why is the other guy winning? its juz so wrong to be tinking abt all this now but i can't help it.

i have one fren.good looking and girls juz come after him n he doesnt have to do anything. but i noe i'm not and girls wldnt come after me cuz of my looks. so i'm always trying to be a good boy with a good character cuz she mentioned b4 she isnt superficial. guess i've to take more initiatives. saying i like her here wun work. i've to do sthg. like she said b4 "guys shld make the move"

in the meantime.i guess its juz not the right tym for all this. its A levels man, A levels! and to my tt good fren hu will read tis entry, pls dun do anything 2pid nor tag anything stupid.